Doc got me a Tequila Patrón bike, and I need you all to really appreciate all the ridiculous little details
Including corks in the handlebars
Thursday of last week, one of my neighbours left the garage door open when they drove off, and a thief came into our garage and stole my poor old fixie, Bikey Red.
Let’s be honest here: it was a cheap piece of crap. But I loved it dearly, and had a lot of emotional attachment to it. I am a bit bitter that the thief ignored all of my neighbour’s bikes to take mine, since I am not the one that left the door open. But I realize that my bike looks very flashy and expensive with all its white and red (even though it is in fact very cheap and crappy), so that must have been why they chose it.
Then, later that night, the thief came back to our apartment complex. Luckily, Doc was taking a walk, and found the door open upon his return and quickly closed it. So the thief kicked in a window screen to try to gain access to the building / garage. Scary stuff. Doc says that our neighbour left Pandora’s Garage Door open, thus plaguing us with this eternal thief.
I went to Mission Bicycle and drooled over their beautiful bikes. This was my chance to design any sort of bike I wanted, I could customize it much farther than I had ever customized anything before. But as I clicked through the choices on their online Build Your Bike, I found that I just kept trying to make a new Bikey Red. Over and over I tried, but they were all wrong; “no no no, Bikey Red had two red spokes on the back wheel! THIS IS HORRIBLE EVERYTHING IS WRONG.” I should take this opportunity to make a whole new bike straight from my imagination, but for some reason all I want is a new bike that looks completely identical to my old one.
Part of me also wishes that the thief could have stolen some of the stuff that I’ve been needing to throw out; you know, while he was at it. But that is hoping too much.
Good-bye Bikey Red, somebody else will be taking care of you now. I hope the thief sells you really cheap to somebody who cannot afford an expensive bike, and that they can know the joy that is Bikey Red.